OUR MARITAL HEALTH/SEX AND PROBLEMS OF DAILY LIVING: SOME WAYS TO MAINTAIN SEXUAL INTIMACY AT TIMES OF SIGNIFICANT LOSS
There are many forms of loss other than death and illness. Separation, divorce, a child moving away, placing a parent in a nursing home, or change of job may be perceived as loss, even when there is apparent gain, and may disrupt sexual functioning. Here are some ways to maintain sexual intimacy at times of significant loss.
1. Remember that all of the above reactions are natural parts of the grieving pattern. We all go through them. We must go through them.
2. Just as sex is not separate from life, it is also a natural part of endings. Touch, intimacy, and fulfillment can help soothe the grieving process while allowing it to take its natural course.
3. Medicating away the symptoms of grief can have negative physical and emotional effects. The natural body response to intimate sexuality allows grieving without the numbing effect of artificial substances.
4. As discussed earlier, all love carries within it its own end. The more the loving, the deeper the grief. Seeing life and loving as cyclical does not prevent the pain of loss, but it does allow the hope of new beginnings.
5. Examine your feelings and those of your partner regarding mortality. Discuss your relationship and its future. No one is ever prepared for loss, but the process of losing can be less destructive if it is discussed directly and openly before it occurs. It is just as important to discuss love insurance to prepare for emotional endings, as it is to carry life insurance to prepare for the financial aspects of loss. If you are the bereaved partner, remember that no one else will ever feel the loss as you feel it. Don’t expect your partner to grieve to the depth that you do. Invite him or her to be with you during loss.
6. Your partner’s sexual needs remain even when you are hurting. Be aware of those needs and be available for sexual expression for your partner. One of the best antidotes for grief is giving, and that extends to the sexual relationship as well. As difficult as this may sound, it is one of the most important things you can do for a super marriage.
7. The emotional and physical symptoms of grieving will diminish. Contrary to popular mythology, there is no set sequence or set of stages for adjusting to loss. Time and touch, the touch of and by a loving partner, are the best that life has to offer at times of death, dying, and loss. We must lose lovers, but we do not have to lose loving.
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Tags: General health