Health News

It is not unusual for couples to visit a health care provider before starting a sexual relationship so that both can be tested for sexually transmitted infections. This is a good idea. If a treatable infection such as chlamydia is diagnosed, then medication can be administered before the couple becomes sexually active. If a chronic infection such as herpes is diagnosed, then counseling can be given on ways to decrease the risk of transmission and to deal with the resulting emotional issues. Chronic infections such as herpes are very common,millions of couples deal with chronic sexually transmitted infections on a daily basis and continue to have healthy fulfilling sex lives.

Discovering a sexually transmitted infection once the sexual relationship has already begun—and perhaps especially when the discovery is made as a result of one partner being infected by the other—can be much more upsetting than knowing at the beginning and deciding right from the start what you want to do as a couple. Not knowing from the beginning can mean a painful discovery later in your relationship. Concerns about infidelity may surface, and there may be a break in the trust that has developed.

*94\213\8*

Lymphogranuloma venereum (LGV). Often confused with herpes, LGV begins as a painful ulcer at the site of the initial infection. If it occurs in the anal area, there may be rectal pain and discharge and bleeding from the rectal area. There may also be lymph node swelling in the groin (this usually occurs in the second stage). The ulcer will go away, but the infection remains until it has been treated. The infection can spread from the genital area to the anal area even if a person has never received anal sex. LGV is not common in the United States.

Syphilis. Through unprotected anal sex, a person may acquire syphilis in the rectal area. Usually the first symptom of syphilis is a chancre, a painless sore that may be missed, especially if it is in the rectal area. However, it may cause bleeding or discharge from the rectal area, which may warn the person that the infection has occurred. The chancre will disappear on its own, but the infection remains unless treated.

Ulcerative colitis and Crohn’s disease. Not STDs (and indeed not caused by infections of any sort), ulcerative colitis and Crohn’s disease are inflammatory diseases of the bowel and rectum that can cause diarrhea, bloody stools, and rectal and abdominal pain.

Warts. Warts may occur in the anal area of those who receive anal sex, but they can also occur there even if a person has never received anal sex. Warts higher up in the rectum are usually acquired through anal sex. Anal warts are usually painless, skin-colored growths that can become very large and sometimes obstruct the flow of stool. It they are large and if they tear, they can become irritated and painful.

*37\213\8*

Although it is only loosely connected with sexuality, the Oedipus complex – one of the basic concepts in psychoanalysis – deserves mention here.

We shall just give a brief outline, however, as it is a complicated notion and is in any case sometimes contested by the less strictly Freudian psychoanalysts.

According to Greek mythology, Oedipus killed his father without knowing it was his father, and married his mother without knowing it was his mother.

Freud used this myth to explain the natural tendency for a young boy to eliminate his father and expend all his love on his mother. (The reverse tendency exists for girls, and is called the Electra complex).

In fact the child is in a situation of conflict. The father is admired because he is strong while the child is weak, and because he knows everything while the child is ignorant. But at the same time, the child does not want his father as a rival for his mother’s love.

The complex generally dies out around the age of five or six. At this age the child’s existence is no longer restricted to the family home. He has his friends, he plays, he is becoming aware of his body as an independent being. He goes to school, he is learning things, he feels himself becoming a man.

As a rule the parents are not aware their child has an Oedipus complex. His aggressiveness towards his father is seen as capriciousness, while his love for his mother seems perfectly natural.

But in some cases, around the age of 13 to 15 or older, a boy experiences surges of tenderness towards his mother that seem inappropriate for his age, or a girl behaves towards her father as if she were in love with him. It may be they have not resolved the complexes of their infancy, but one should not rush to this conclusion. Only a psychologist can tell, and can advise the parents accordingly.

It may indeed be helpful to consult a psychologist. Problems can arise at the adult stage: adolescents who avoid contact with others of their own age, girls who seek the company of much older men, people who seem not to want to make their own lives and are still living with their parents at the age of twenty-five or thirty, and so on.

While these cases are fairly rare, it is best to identify them at the teenage stage, so as to avoid incompatible couples being formed later on.

*73\77\2*

Ever since the earliest civilizations different substances have been believed, rightly or wrongly, to awaken desire or enhance sexual pleasure.

The commonest is certainly cantharides. This is the powdered body of an insect called the cantharis or Spanish fly. It does in fact provoke a powerful erection in the man. Unfortunately, it has some very undesirable and dangerous side effects: inflammation of the genital organs, acute pain, vomiting, blood in the urine and even kidney damage.

The mandrake plant has also been ascribed aphrodisiac powers, probably because of the phallic shape of the root. In fact it has rather the opposite effect. It is now known to contain substances that act as anaesthetics. Rather than awakening the sexual urge, mandrake is more likely to send you to sleep!

Aphrodisiac virtues have been attributed to powered rhinoceros horn, bulls’ testicles and pigeons’ hearts, but these beliefs are quite unfounded.

On the other hand there is no doubt that some substances can awaken sexual impulses, acting as mood elevators or as stimulants, either over the whole body or more selectively. These substances exist in a natural state in many plants you can find for yourselves in the wild or buy from the grocer or herbalist.

*55\77\2*

Transsexuality is not the same thing as homosexuality. A transsexual is a man who feels he is really a woman, or a woman who feels she is really a man.

Nor is this the same phenomenon as transvestism. A transvestite is someone who has an episodic obsession with taking on the external trappings of the opposite sex – their way of dressing, their way of speaking, their behaviour. But, far from denying their sexual identity, transvestites are proud of their own sex.

A number of explanations for transvestism have been put forward, none of them very satisfactory and none supported by scientific evidence. Neither biology nor psychology can explain the phenomenon.

All genuine transsexuals have a strong desire to change sex physically. A surgical operation can help, but will only give the person the approximate appearance of the opposite sex. The man, for example, is given a cavity in imitation of the vulva, but he cannot get any pleasurable sensations from it. He has no clitoris, and can never have an orgasm. The only erotic feeling he can get is from his breasts, which can be made to grow fairly easily with an oestrogen treatment. This treatment also helps by softening the lines of the face a little and reducing facial and body hair.

For a woman, it is possible to graft on the equivalent of a penis. Some transsexual women are happy enough with a dildo held in place by straps between the legs and round the hips. Transsexual women can still have orgasms, since they still have a clitoris. Even where the clitoris has been removed, the scar is known to provide agreeable sensations.

Transsexuals have to handle far greater psychological and emotional problems than bisexuals. Paradoxically, the men find it fairly easy to accept the complete absence of orgasm. It has been established that transsexuals, whether or not they have had an operation, have a very weak sex drive.

Transsexuals of both sexes suffer most of all from their awareness of being abnormal. Moreover, however hard they try to blend in with the opposite sex, their success rate is very low and most of the time they find themselves isolated and rejected. They run a high risk of anxiety, stress and mental problems. Medical treatment and psychological help can palliate these problems to some extent.

The proportion of transsexuals in society as a whole is not known with any accuracy, but in any case it is very small. This leaves them even more isolated and marginalized than homosexuals. The condition is even rarer among women than among men.

In some Western countries transsexuals have the further problem of being unable to change their status officially.

*39\77\2*

Of all sexual practices, oral sex – fellatio and cunnilingus -are the most common and the most universally practised, either as a preliminary to penetration or as complete sex acts in themselves.

They constitute the greater part of all male and female homosexual relationships, and of most heterosexual relationships as well.

The pleasure produced by oral caressing of the genitals is often felt by both sexes as far more intense than in intercourse. For heterosexual couples, intercourse proper is often only a brief final stage after a long session of oral sex. Properly done, oral sex can keep a couple in a state of pre-orgasmic tension so enjoyable that it is often preferred to orgasm itself.

There arc references to oral sex in all the ancient civilizations, from Egypt to Greece and Ancient Rome. But the passing centuries have not wiped out the taboos that still surround these practices. For male and female sex organs are still sometimes regarded as “dirty” places, not to be looked at or touched, and above all not to be licked or sucked!

Any couple wishing to get more out of their sex life must begin by getting rid of such ideas.

Fondling, kissing and licking one’s partner’s genitals should be, on the contrary, a natural urge and a shared pleasure. Cunnilingus and fellatio are gestures of love. They are not only agreeable ways of reaching orgasm, they are equally agreeable at the emotional level. For both sexes, they are the best way of showing love and enhancing arousal.

Oral sex is also the nicest of all ways to give pleasure when one partner is “unavailable” or vaginal intercourse is difficult, painful or impossible for any reason – when the man’s penis stays stubbornly limp, when the woman has her period, etc.

Any woman who has experienced cunnilingus with a sufficiently skilful partner finds intercourse unthinkable without this intensely pleasurable preparatory stage. It is what they want a man to do first and foremost.

And women who are expert in the art of fellatio can be sure to keep their partners faithful: they know it is the best way to a man’s heart.

Some women, young women just beginning their sexual experiences or women who have been brought up in a heavy atmosphere of taboo, sometimes have feelings of fear or shame concerning oral sex, and this may crush any enthusiastic desire to suck their partner’s genitals or be sucked by him. They feel ashamed to show their “private parts” and ashamed to be seen sucking their partner’s penis. Many women close their eyes in both cases, or insist on having the lights out. This is not a good solution. Love is for looking at. One may not want a bright glare, but a soft light at least is essential.

The best advice for a shy or over-modest woman is to wear a mask that hides her face from the nose to the hairline. It will give her the feeling her partner cannot see her, and she will feel freer to let go and dare everything.

Meanwhile a man who sucks the genitals of a masked woman has the impression he has been admitted to the bedroom of a stranger. And when his lover takes his penis in her mouth, the mask adds a certain spice to the scene he views.

This one example of what a hint of eroticism can add to lovemaking.

A last important point is that fellatio and cunnilingus are both very restful activities for both partners. They are excellent ways of spinning out the pleasure without tiring oneself out.

*25\77\2*

Unlike other mammals, which generally only have sexual intercourse during the rutting season or when the female is on heat, and always as a means of reproduction, humans rarely make love specifically to reproduce: they do it for pleasure.

Desire is a necessary precondition for satisfying sexual intercourse. But this notion of desire is a very vague one, and varies a great deal with age.

A thirteen year old boy masturbating for the first time has no sense of desire for a particular girl, or even for girls in general, but this does not prevent him having spontaneous erections. In the adult erection is an external sign of desire.

At the age when young people have their first experiences with the opposite sex, the notion of desire is still rather vague. The desire is linked to the chosen partner, but only superficially; it can easily be switched at a moment’s notice to a different person.

This is the time when most boys, and many girls, go through a whole series of short-lived relationships.

Then a particular couple-relationship is formed and stabilizes. If there is a good sexual balance between the two, there is a good chance the relationship will last, even if there are incidental episodes with other lovers along the way.

At first, desire is strong enough to produce frequent spontaneous erections. The couple makes the most of these to enjoy themselves as often as they can.

With habit, familiarity and age, the spontaneous erections become less frequent. But this happens very gradually, and the couple do not particularly wonder what is happening. In fact, it is desire that is diminishing. It is natural that it should, and that in the end it should die entirely. Man is born impotent and dies impotent!

Luckily, however, as the desire diminishes, the couple are accumulating sexual experience in general, getting to know their own and their partners’ bodies more thoroughly, and getting to understand more about that feeling known to human beings alone of all the animals – eroticism.

In this way the natural decline of desire is very largely made up for by stimulations of all kinds, which can renew it and refresh it right into old age – and also by calling up, or indeed living out, an infinite variety of sexual fantasies.

It is now known that men’s desire is directly linked to the male body’s production of a hormone called testosterone. As the body ages, less and less testosterone is produced. Some time between the ages of fifty and seventy testosterone production may stop almost entirely, at the stage sometimes known as the “male menopause” or andropause. This is the time when erection becomes infrequent and difficult, lasts only a short time, and is often accompanied by premature ejaculation.

This relative impotence is organic and non-selective: it does not apply to the man who has no erections with his wife but can get one with another partner. On the contrary -many an andropausal man can get a satisfactory hard-on with his wife, if she knows by experience how to arouse him, but gets nowhere with a new partner, however young and attractive, if she does not know how to eroticize her lovemaking.

This discovery of the role of testosterone is of crucial importance. It means that impotence can be effectively treated when the cause is a lack of desire (though there are other possible causes). It is too early to say whether this hormone treatment can have undesirable side effects. For the moment it seems to be inadvisable only for men with high blood pressure.

The only objection to regular booster injections of testosterone Could be that they prevent the brain from commanding natural testosterone production, so that a low rate of hormone production would fall irreversibly to zero.

One of the problems couples need to recognize after a few years of life together, when increasing age has already dealt a body-blow to the seductiveness of both, is that our desire is partly dependent on our bio-rhythms. One should not make too close a comparison with the mating seasons of animals, but it is known, for example, that a woman’s desire is strongest at ovulation and during the first few days of her period. Women are also more excitable in summer, and men in winter; men are randy in the morning, women are randier at night.

Which is not to say you cannot get any joy from a man on a fine summer evening! But every woman who becomes aware of the first signs of flagging enthusiasm in her man should take account of these rhythms to choose the moments that hold most potential for their sex life.

Now let’s look at the mechanisms that come into play when two partners feel desire and begin to make love.

Sexologists agree that there are four stages in the orgasmic cycle: excitement, plateau, orgasm and resolution. These phases can be more validly applied to women; in men the plateau phase is often non-existent or artificial.

*11\77\2*